HERE'S A NOVEL IDEA: Take sci fi show. Insert babe. Sit back and watch the buzz build faster than...well, than some cool intergalactic ship that can go really fast. On Jan. 8, former porn vixen turned Hollywood actress Traci Lords, 30, joins the Sci Fi Channel's drama First Wave as a badass militia leader who battles aliens and stuff. Her first mission: Survive our barrage of stupid questions.—Dan Snierson
• You're on a sci fi series, so tell us: What's antimatter? [Pause] I have no idea...antimatter...something that doesn't matter?
• Do you ever work out to your exercise video, Warm Up With Traci Lords? Noooo. I run, though. And I do ninjutsu, which is ninja street fighting. I suppose that sounds rather menacing. Not that I go around beating up my boyfriends—if I had any—but I probably could. Don't print that. I'll never get a date.
• What do hot chicks think about all day? Hot men. And chocolate. And shopping. It's pretty simple.
• I have to bring up something from your past that's kind of embarrassing...What was it like guest starring on Nash Bridges? I actually loved Nash Bridges. I played this crook. She had on her little nurse's uniform and stiletto Prada heels with diamond hearts on them. She was a seductress, and that was fun.
• Care to share a dirty secret from your Melrose Place stint? They didn't put chlorine in the pool because a lot of the actresses had blond hair that was sort of enhanced, let's say, and chlorine is notorious for changing hair to green. So there was a certain actress—I'm not mentioning any names—that used to think it was funny to go in the pool and take a good pee if someone she didn't like had to go in the next day. I always made a point of staying out of the pool.
• In 1998, you said, "The only thing I could do to get over my porn past would be to win an Oscar, and I'm working toward that." Any updates? [Fake sobbing] It's coming along very slowly, but I want you all to know that I love you. Thank you very much... [laughing] F--- the Oscar. I think I should get a Survivor award. They should put me on the island and see how I fare. I'm sure I'd probably win.
